Words vs. Actions: Recognizing False Promises in a Toxic Relationship
If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a toxic person, you know how convincing they can be. Their words can be like poetry—dripping with promises, full of charm, and wrapped up in just enough sincerity to make you believe them. But here’s the hard truth: words mean nothing without actions to back them up.
The Illusion of Their Words
Narcissists are master storytellers. They know exactly what to say to pull you back in, to make you doubt your instincts, and to keep you hooked. They’ll say they’ve changed, that they’ll never hurt you again, that they finally see what they did wrong. And for a moment, you breathe. You want to believe them. You want to hold onto the hope that maybe, just maybe, this time will be different.
But then… nothing changes. Or worse, the cycle repeats, leaving you feeling foolish for believing them again.
How to Spot the Lies and False Promises
The easiest way to tell when a narcissist is lying? Look at their actions, not their words. A person’s true character is revealed not by what they say but by what they consistently do. If they say they’ll change but continue the same behaviors, that’s your answer. If they apologize but repeat the same hurtful actions, that’s your answer. If they promise to respect your boundaries but trample over them when it suits them, that’s your answer.
A Simple Exercise to Build Awareness
To break free from the illusion of their words, try this: Start a “Words vs. Actions” Log.
For two weeks, write down every promise or reassuring statement they make. Then, write down what actually happens afterward. This can be eye-opening because it forces you to see the pattern in black and white. No more excusing their behavior. No more second-guessing yourself. Just the truth, right there on paper.
Two Journal Prompts to Help You Gain Clarity
What patterns do I notice between what they say and what they actually do? How do I feel when I recognize these inconsistencies?
If a close friend told me they were experiencing the same behaviors from someone, what advice would I give them? Am I willing to take that same advice for myself? Why or why not?
The Truth is Your Power
I know how hard it is to accept that their words are empty. But here’s the good news: Once you see the truth, you can’t unsee it. And that truth? It’s the first step toward freedom. You deserve more than broken promises and empty words. You deserve someone whose actions align with their love.
If you need support in navigating this, I’m here for you. Let’s talk. Set up a mini-session with me today, and let’s start getting you the clarity and strength you need. Click here to get started.
